My days began revolving around Lupron on Friday. Must take the lady at 7:00. I am not one for rules much but I am following my instructions on this. She is a pleasant sub-q injection with a little needle into the stomach. Not too difficult except for her regimented ideas on time.
Here lies the problem. On Saturday we very much wanted to go canoeing. The dilemma came when we thought that we would not be home in time for sit down tea with the Mrs. L. She is very particular on temperature and time. So we could not bring her along in a cooler because that would have been too warm for her English Lady sensibilities. I think she would have not enjoyed the canoe and nature as well. Nor could we have left her in the car because English ladies who wear hats do not dare wilt in the heat of a summer time car. Mrs. L likes hats...really it is true. So we decided not to go.
But, then I was disappointed because I really needed a relaxing day in nature. So throwing all caution to the wind we went. We made arrangements with the outpost where we rented the canoes to let Mrs. L sit in the air conditioning for the day and we could retrieve her at 7:00 for a spot of tea. So we drove for the hour and a half with Mrs L. clutching her purse on her lap and grumbling the whole way about the drive and leaving the city. I personally was so happy to be out of the city and away from what we are doing. However the very thing that I wanted to get away from was in the back seat between the dogs constantly reminding us of our burden.
We arrived at the Outpost to get our canoes and drop the nag off. We got the dogs into the canoe and set off way behind the drunk crowd of hundreds. It started out relaxing. The dogs were excited to get outside, play on the banks of the river, and chase butterflies. I felt peaceful and happy. It was about 2:00 at this point far from our meeting time of 7:00. We casually floated down the river with an inter-tube and a canoe switching off and dawdling. The girls, Tikka and Masala) played Titanic and would stand on the tip of the canoe catching the breeze and "flying". Doggies Cate and Leonardo.
The water on the river was unusually low so where the rapids were are now replaced with bottom scraping canoe stopping rocks. We had to get out and pull the canoe over the rocks alot. Fine in the beginning. Not fine after the crazed hormonal woman was tired and worn out. This stretch of the river normally takes about four hours with a little stopping on the banks for snacks and drinks.
The sun starting getting lower and lower in the sky and we started getting nervous that we were not going to meet Mrs L's schedule. Apparently no one on the river knew the time. So I was getting amped (ha ha..get it amp..like ampule) up and David who is striving to be over-achieving Good IVF Husband TM was in rare form of bitchiness. Usually that is my job and he stays calm. But he was a man on a mission to get us to tea time. Both of us were becoming more excited and irritable. At one point we finally put the inter-tube in the canoe and hauled ass towards the end. With two humans and two large dogs the canoe was filled and we could not find a place for the inter-tube. Nor did I in my lovely mood make it easy for David and put it in front of me. We hit another dried up rapid and he got out to push us over the rocks. While he got back in he pushed on the tube to hard and it hit my already problematic neck. It infuriated me (now a gnat could have did a fly by and pushed me over the edge) and from the depths of hell came a mean voice that said "IF EVER I WAS GOING TO BEAT YOU IT WOULD BE NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW," I growled. My mood was set and I probably scared David. I called him a few names that I will not repeat here and rubbed my neck. If anyone needed beating I assure you it was me. But Good IVF Husband TM tolerated me like a Saint.
My man paddled like the devil was after him (silly boy the devil was in the canoe with him). We caught up to the drunks who were lazily making their way to the end. Many people were getting crabby and we passed a few who were fighting. Finally we arrived at the drop-off point and David ran to the car and weaved around the drunk party to get to the Outpost. I stood in the parking lot next to the river with the dogs so they could dry off. It crossed my mind that he might leave us in said parking lot forever but he faithfully returned carrying the snippy Mrs. L tapping her watch. In her snippy pinched tone she whined "Do you know that tea time was 45 minutes ago?" I rolled my eyes and thought about where I could do this. I really preferred not to do it in the parking lot like a junkie and expose the white fleshy flabs of flesh that is my stomach. We drove to the main road and David informed me that the women's bathroom was jam-packed with drunk girls in a line. So I changed out of my suit in the car as we drove on. I told him to pull over to the side so I could get the dosage right.
We did not pass any cars for ten minutes so we assumed the coast would be clear for me. I stuck the needle in just as two busses pulled up along side of us slowing down for the turn. My eyes met every single one of them as they watched me have tea with Mrs L. Good times....good times.
Author's notes: I in no way think that English ladies are of the stereotype I portrayed. When choosing the character for this drug I tried thinking of the most prim and proper image I could create and I have in my mind an image of a lady I once knew. I very much liked her even in her snippy, proper tone she held for everyone. She taught me how to make the proper cup of tea. Her husband even chimed in on his variation of the tea making where they discussed their differences in hushed tones. I liked them. But she reminds me of the proper requirements of Lupron. So carry on my English readers and do not hastily put me in the English hating category...I luv the English :)