Mare says I must embrace and admit my HPT addiction. "What do you mean, IF you are undisciplined? Look, you can only overcome this peestick addiction if you take the first step- admit you have a problem. Acknowledge it. Embrace it. After all, you don't want to set a bad example to the kids, do you? No. I thought not."
It is true. I am a pee stick whore. Addict. I am past normal usage. I am past other testers who have a problem. This is a full blown problem. It is time I disclose this to all of you.
Many of you out there have a problem just like me. Here is a list of situations I have tested under. If you check yes to more than three you are an addict. Say it with me ladies....I know it is hard.....addict:
1. If you have tested more than four times within in every cycle.
2. If you have tested while taking birth control pills gearing up for an IVF cycle (this one does not count if you are not infertile because as we know there are those of you out there who get pregnant on the pill...it is only for those who are barren as the Sahara testing during BCPs)
3. If you have bought a test or tests to the detriment of your finances; draining away an IRA account, used credit to purchase, stole money, begged for money, or borrowed to pay for them
4. Hidden your stash where your husband would not find it...like oh I do not know...a maxi pad box. This is great because they do not dare go in there for any reason and if they do you can accuse them of snooping and trying to find the stash which trumps the addiction.
5. Shoplifted a test (Note: I have not done this one but some of you addicted freaks may have gone this far...at least I am not this sick!)
6. Rationalize that other's addictions are worse and compare yourself to them.
7.If your husband has banned the purchase of said sticks and you buy them anyway
PAUSE FROM THE LIST: While just asking my husband casually about what my worst pee stick offences were he began a long shameful list. As he pulled up his pants, brushed his teeth, and picked up his briefcase to head to work he carried on like Bubba the shrimp boat guy ...shrimp kabobs, shrimp curry, shrimp soup, pineapple shrimp, etc. Except they were my offences of pee stick moments. Pitiful.
8. Tested more than once a day
9. Tested while bleeding
10. Tested the day after an HCG shot just to see the two lines for the first time ever.
11. Played pretend that the ovulation predictor test was a pregnancy test
12. Tearing a faulty test up in rage calling it a motherfucker and peeing down its insides to see if you can make it work. Then leaving it strewn about in pieces all over the bathroom proving that you careless about its wellbeing.
Can you all think of anymore? What ridiculous things have you done you little addicts?
So I tested this morning. The HCG is officially out of my system.
I asked the nurse last week when I should expect to have the trigger shot out and she asked me why? I said that I wanted to start testing. She said that I should not do that because the doctors do not want us to test. Her reason was is because that people start calling the office asking why it is not positive. Duh. You are not pregnant or it has not shown up yet. She said the tests were not that sensitive to tell...she obviously knows nothing about testing constantly. What irritated me about this was that I feel like they think we are idiots.
I want to find out in my own bathroom. Normal women would find out there so why should I not? This whole process has not been normal. Is it so wrong that I want one thing to be normal where I come out and tell my husband in my own way? I would prefer to tell my husband that we are expecting rather than some other woman.
Ok I am whining a bit here and I am sorry.