My Daughter The President

My little girl is presently, I assume, with her foster mother somewhere in Guatemala.  Let us call her Guatemama from now on. What I know about Guatemama is that she is 35 years old and has a son and is in charge of my daughter. If I know any daughter of mine we can all assume she is up to something. I assume she is there with Guatemama because how would I know any differently.  For goodness sakes my daughter could be free-base jumping off the local volcano Pacaya, drinking grown men under the table at her neighborhood cantina,  or swimming with sharks.  How would I know.  By the way young lady, if you are, consider yourself grounded for the next eighteen years.

I like to take a hands off policy to raising my children.  This way I can blame someone else for their shortcomings.  For example when she is eighteen and the police bring her home for making out with Jimmy Hot Hands I can say "What did Guatemama teach you?"  The benefits are that I am a mom.  I do not have to clean up poop, stay up all hours of the night, or soothe the crying girl.  Great huh?  I sure do know how to work parenthood...please feel free to write for tips.  I am happy to share my style of parenting.

I, however, will miss that first smile, the chance to snuggle up to my baby, and soothe her sweet cries.  Small price to pay.....  It is very hard knowing I am not in charge of her precious first months.  They can never be experienced again.  Guatemama, by some universal chaos, has been given the opportunity to do my job.  My reproductive resume was just not good enough.  Mail room for me.  Mail room parenting.

Having said this I was prompted to think about what kind of parent I will be when I read my pal's blog Barefoot and......  So go read it.  Yes, right now.  Because I think it is poignant.  Go on I will wait.   Ok, what do you think?  See, mailroom parenting will be a hands off approach to not pushing to hard.  Might I add here that I agree completely with Chris.

Giving kidlets the space to experience successful endeavors is cool and all but how many fabulous endeavors should one person have in the span of childhood?  Do not get me wrong I had the opportunity to do much as a child....dancing, ballet, drums, gymnastics, swimming, singing, almost had harp lessons, and my all time favorite horseback riding.  Because I had the opportunity to try all these things and more that I just cannot remember I was able to figure out that horses were my true love that carries over into today.  More importantly, I had time to play....climbing the Flood's Magnolia tree and scraping our name into the bark (yes, I know now that this is not good in the horticultural sense), hiking through tick infested woods behind our house, naming the landmarks in the woods like Indian Mound and Junk alley, charging too much candy at Main Street Market and getting grounded, and using the forbidden balcony from my parents room for jumping into the pool.  It was the time and the space of my childhood that allowed me to grow into who I was today not the push by my parents for greatness. 

I promise, hereforth, solemnly to hold up the decree of children-are-all-special-in-there-own-ways and to avoid the my-child-is-better-than-your-child crap.  If my little girl walks early or late she can choose to do so on her own time.  If her form is bad on base-jumps I will not rag on her because who the hell am I to judge because I sure as hell am not going to join her or do it better.  And I promise, if some guy beats her in a drinking contest I will not berate the doll for not being the best.  She drank to the best of her ability.  I do hope that Guatemama is encouraging her strengths which I am fairly sure at this point is only pooping.  I also promise to not notice that little Jimmy from the park is still picking and eating his nose and my little girl is not.  Please people if you hear me utter, even once, look how fast she downs her bottle.  Look at the way she handles that nipple.  Is your little Suzy as nipply nimble?  Smack me silly into sense.

Of course she will be the bestest of best in my eyes.  But somewhere in the back of my head I will remember she is on loan from the spirit world, as are all of the other children, so I will take her as she comes and accept her limits. Might I add here that I will love her and her limits up and down, from the moon and back, and from the bottom of my crippled infertile heart.  And, besides,  in this chaotic universal murkiness who is to say in some other reality little Jimmy was mine and I just could not stop him from the tempting pick?  Who am I to judge?

May I add if you compare your kid's greatness to my kid's lack I will brag about her base-jumping....actually no I will not I will just have to say something snarky...any suggestions because I need to prepare and I suck at come-backs. 

When my daughter is older and accomplished I hope that she is satisfied with herself.  I hope that she is content that I did not push her too much or not enough.  I hope, dear G-d, that you help me see the proper parameters of pushing for her individual growth so she can blossom like the pretty flower she is or the alcoholic if she so chooses.  Opportunities and choices here folks. 

As a parent I will be satisfied with any profession she chooses.**  I will be happy she is confident enough in choosing her own path.  I would love to have my children be confident in their autonomy. 

I want my children to feel loved and not pushed by me.  And I want to be loved by my kidlets.  The Painting Chef wrote ever so eloquently about her father and why she loves him.  It brought tears to my eyes how sweetly she views her father.  Despite the quirkiness (oh my god do I have some quirks) because of the goofiness, and for the love given, Painting Chef is a beautiful soul who is caring and giving.  The kind of person I would like my children to be like.....Apparently her father gave her just the right mix of push and love.  I doubt he wasted much time on comparisons of the other kids in the sandbox.  His focus was on her. 

So let us recap:

1. Smack the shit out of me if I compare the other kids in the sandbox.  This works both ways...not only am I not making other parents feel bad nor am I driving myself crazy worrying what my daughter is lacking.

2. Give kids the space to be Presidents or alcoholics.  If they are good at what they do or are happy that is all that matters***

3. Not to self: Ground daughter when she arrives for her unruly drinking behavior

4. Read Barefoot and.... and Painting Chef because damn they are funny, sweet, and sometimes obnoxious which I adore that kind of behavior.

5. Do not forget to tune in next week when I tell my pregnant neighbor Ha Ha my child was born before yours....na na na boo boo

**oh god please let her be president...oh please, please, please let her be the first woman president.  I will just die if she is not someone fabulous.  Oh please let her be president.

***I am lying.  I am going to hell.   oh please let her be President

Comments

[chris]

Why thank you. And how did you know that my kid's middle name is "Jimmyy Hot Hands"? He wants to take your daughter on her first car date.

[PaintingChef]

You're so sweet! Thanks! This is going to be one lucky little girl. So many parents try and steer their children in one direction or another but those of us who were allowed to find our own dreams are the ones who hold the deepest and truest love for our parents, I think. I have no doubt that your daughter is going to have that same love, respect, and admiration for you and David. And may I impart one piece of parenting wisdom my father practiced on me? When she DOES come home drunk that first time, say nothing as she gets into bed. Let her sleep peacefully in her drunken stupor until about 6 am when you wake her up by turning on every light in her room and then take her to the greasiest breakfast joint you can find and sit there, all smug like, while she forces down bacon and eggs. I ASSURE you, she will NOT be coming home drunk again. My dad thought that shit was HYSTERICAL!

[erinberry]

I'll have to add you to my links to Guatemalan adoption blogs! Congrats - We don't have a referral yet; we're waiting on our I-171H.

[thalia]

What a lovely paen to parenting, I hope you get to start doing it other than through the mail room soon. One sad thing, though, I think that she won't be president, because don't you have to be born on american soil to be president? Maybe she could be president of the national organisation for women? Or the national endowment for the arts? Or NASA?

[Amy in KC]

Bravo to you from another mommy who refuses to participate in the Whose Kid is Better/Smarter/Faster Game. Parents should learn to express pride in their children without belittling some other kid (or his/her Mommy) in the process. And I continue to be so excited for you - it is going to be awesome when you hold that little one in your arms! I promise she will have millions of smiles for you - her very own Mommy.