The Infertile Gourmet

Gone With The Wind

Never have I seen a father dote on a child like Rhett Butler did with Bonnie Blue.  I, having a father who barely paid any attention to me, thought that those were just the movies and fathers are really not like that.  I mean the way he gushed over Bonnie, loved, hugged, kissed and spoiled that child was really so very Hollywood.  Right?  Come on that Bonnie had him wrapped around his little finger.  Sometimes Hollywood is true.

Much to my complete and utter amazement David is so totally in love with our little girl just like Rhett and Bonnie.  I could see Rhett and David in a Daddy's Playgroup exchanging the grand things Bonnie and Alejandra have done. 

Now do not get me wrong it is not that I thought he would be cold or a bad father...oh no. Quite the contrary.  I chose him because I knew he would make an excellent father.  I think the problem was was that I just did not know what made an excellent father.  To me it was the folklore of the mythical creature.  I always thought that it was possible but really is it? 

In all my years I have never been more touched by fatherly love than I have been for the past few days.  Everyday single cotton-picking day he cried in sweetness over her...not once not twice, not even three times but just about everytime he picker her up, she flashed the Bonnie smile, or her little hands grabbed for her Daddy's hands.  Cutest damn thing ever..those two together.

This will sound like an accusation because it is....she adores that man.  Already when I say Daddy to her she looks around for him.  She hears his voice and the little Bonnie Devil torks her head around like the exorcist ready to eat up a new priest and spit the bible out.  Blue Dog...sorry buddy but she is in love with a new man.

Everything she does is irresistible in his eyes.  He is mesmerized like the sailors and the sirens.  I joked that when she was old enough she would twirl her finger and say Daddy I would like a Porsche for my birthday and damn that man will buy two...in every freaking color. He did not deny this which startled me a little.

Now check out the Jew-fro and Guata-fros the two of them are sporting.  Despite my directions of a strict regimen of barrettes, clippys, and industrial strength gel the fros still exist.  They are bonding in unkempt-hair-mutiny against my wishes of order and a cowlick free existence.  They do it for spite.  They are plotting against my sanity even as we speak.  I think they talk in telepathy to one another.  Evil, I say. Pure adorable evil.

How can I compete in their perfect world?  ;)

If I heard these statements once I heard them a thousand times "she just warms my heart"  or another favorite "oh she is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute"  and as he grabs his chest in mock heart attack motion "I just never knew I would love her this much".   Blah blah blah lovey lovey mushy mushy blah blah yadda yadda ya.

But of course it is always the good part that is yadda-yaddaed over.  This is the good stuff!  I am healed in ways that I forgot needed healing by watching the two of them.  Hairy bosom buddies they are :)

He has learned how to get his baby rock steps on as he soothes her every wheeeu and raarw.  He knows just how to calm her screams.  He knows just how to get her to laugh.  He knows to gaze at her in the eyes as she eats.  He knows just how to hold her, hug her, and cuddle her.  The man just knows how to love her. 

He even tells me how to!!  My easy going man who puts up with my bossiness has turned the tables on me making sure I am taking care of HIS daughter perfectly.  Damn that makes me smile.

He reads to her.  Tells her all about his kitties and doggies at home.  Walks around showing her plants and different textures.  Fawns over the precious thing and shows her off strutting around like the very proud father he is.  Speaks to her as if she understands him...quite the little pact they have.

Unfortunately our story takes a sad twist.  David left this morning to go back home.  You see, we do not get to take her home on this trip :(  We have to wait for God only knows when and if anyone is asking or talking to God soon ask him when PGN will cough up my paperwork. 

All morning David's joyful tears turned into sad tears.  I have never seen this man cry as much as he did this morning.  He held her and bawled over her...body shaking bawling.  It made me cry.  For two hours he weeped continuously as he packed stopping to cuddle Al and to rough up her hair that I wetted down. 

He cried so many tears his face was puffy and looked pathetic.

Antiqua is a very gentle place.  Land of the eternal spring as I have been told.  The temperature stays a cool 75 and cooler in the evening. Gentle breezes seem to be perpetual.  Currently it is the rainy season.  Even this is gentle with mists that fall upon ever so green plants and this sometimes escalates to a pitter patter of rain.   Never reaching a climax to a grand storm but just keeps on gently reminding one that this is the rainy season.

David left hugging us goodbye.  We sat down in a chair overlooking the gardens.  Fifteen minutes later I heard the pitter patter of his feet at the gate.  He had forgotten his passport...so unlike my gentle and consistently responsible man.  So we had to say two goodbyes....

I waved at him through the gates as he opened the window to the cab.  I held up Alejandras arm in a mock baby wave.  As they pulled out of view I saw his face crumple just as the wall hid him completely.

Not a few minutes after he left the sunny sky turned dark and poured rain.

Day 2

Our cups just runneth over as I was saying but so do her diapers.  One of the many things we have learned about our girly.  Shall I share some more?

She is apparently a jazz junky..who would have thought. Now maybe some Spanish guitar or some other kind of loud Spanish bow bum bow music I always heard in front of my house in Mexico but no, my girl loves Jazz.  Ella Fitzgerald is her new favorite pal.  David made a playlist of only Ella on my Itunes so now it plays over and over and over and seriously over.  Maybe she was Ella in her previous life.....

The second thing of note is that she loves to play with hair..mine, hers, the stowaway cat and dog hairs we caughter her playing with entranced.  At least I know who her friends are.  She hangs out with the Rostafarian kind.  She is amazing at making dreadlocks.  Her skills kick butt.   Check out my girls skills...

It is rather sweet how she twirls the hair especially when she eats.  My hair as long as it is seems very soothing and she plays and plays in it.  I also forgot a brush so let us not go there about how bad my hair is looking.

The third thing is that she seems destined to become a caffeine addict.  The first night David got up to make her a bottle while I soothed her.  While it was warming I got to use the bathroom and noticed that the only bottle in there he could have used was the one with a green tea bag in it.  I asked him which he used and he realized his mistake.  Crisis diverted.  Then at breakfast she seemed very interested in the coffe cup.  Daddy was explaining, he briefs her and gives her a rundown of all things they come in contact with and if you would like to know about the history of Ancient Rome and the influence of the Egyptian empire under King Ptolemy III Auteles talk to Alejandra..she has a wonderful perspective, what coffee was.  Now a bit of background info here is that David and I read in his baby book that he was fed meat at three months old...things were different back then but nonetheless we were always appauled and giggled about that sooooooooo when genius Daddy asked me if he could put a drop on her mouth to try it I almost fell of my chair. Ummm hello  Daddy.  I said she prefers her coffee with cream so add some first.  KIDDING!!  I stared at him in horror.  Trust me tonight at dinner I will make sure he does not brief her on the wines of this region. 

The fourth thing is that she has as many cute outfits as Emelda Marcos has shoes.  So at each outing I try dressing her in a new one. Look we have matching double chins!  Check out the cute hair accesories!

D and I are some picture taking fools.  I mean for goodness sakes how many pics can you take of us in the bathroom doing nothing?  Ask us and we will say never too many! Exciting is this one not?

Check this photo opp with Daddy with the agua volcano  behind clouds. 

You know the beefy men lifting weights on Venice beach?  Yeah those guys.  Well they have nothing on compared to Al in the sweating department.  One would think that she has ran a marathon than just baby snoozed.

Well what would a post be without The Gourmets commenting on food...  Last night we had a fabulous dinner.  Tortillas with green onions in a cheese, fried corn around potato with a guacomole dip and cabbage with tomato sauce.  For dessert fried plantains in uber delicious crema thick thick thick yum and of course we did  a repeat of the chocolate cake!

Parents!

So there I am blogging yappily away while I was waiting for the facilitator to pick us up to take us to the foster mother's house.  She was late so I was hanging out with typepad.  We were starving so David started heading out to get something to eat.  He did not get far when in comes three people one which was the baby!

In the echoey hallway I heard David say Alex the baby is here :)  So I was shocked beyond belief and was not prepared because oh my God there is my child hiding behind enough blankets to keep her warm at the North Pole.  My eyes must have been huge.  I looked to the facilitator to David to the foster mother and stood there befuddled.  So Guatamama unwraps the layers of the  baby burrito and Voila there was my daughter..............

She looked right at me in interest and she was passed to me.  We stared at one another for a minute and I started talking.  I got a smile and a half giggle out of her and then she started bawling.  Cry,cry, and cry some more baby......

Angry screams.  Upset screams.  Guatamama took her back and tried shooshing her but everytime she saw my face she cried and cried.  She knew that my face was what was in between what she has ever known.  Can you blame the girly?  I cannot. 

She cried on and on.  I asked the facilitator if it would be best if she went back home with Guatamama but she must have thought that I did not want to keep her for the evening.  I just wanted to do what was best for my girl.  Slow association with new people seemed like it would be best.  But this world is tough and that was not what was intended for Alejandra.  What made it worse was that Guatamama was saying that she had never seen her cry like that.  It was unusual. 

Between all the crying I was supposed to ask questions on feeding, sleeping etc but my brain would not work.  David started taking notes.  Talk about a mind blower!

Then off they went leaving me with her in the crib half sleeping and half crying.  I knew we would get through it. 

Our babelinni cried and cried.  I sent David out to get us food which seemed the best because introducing one person at a time was best.  I think David did not mind :)  While he was gone I tried different toys, positions, and sounds to calm her.  Nothing seemed to work.  I shut the windows in fear of bothering others around me

I cried over her in her crib out of joy, amazement, and sadness that the world is not perfect for her or I.  Here she is with a birthmother that chose to give her a different life, a foster mom who was leaving, and a strange foreign lady staring down at her and weeping.  And here I am infertile for five years waiting for this moment and wanting my child to love me to death instantaneously but of course I knew that was unlikely but still hard to be somewhat rejected.  I expected it to be tough and mentally walked myself through it before hand.  I talked to her and told we would make it together her and I.  The world may not be perfect but we would heal and make something beautiful out of our losses.  Life is never filled with perfection and blissful moments.  We humans are emotional creatures that come with baggage...everyone of us.  I think it is most important to recognize the imperfection of our souls and to love one another anyhow. This was a real moment between several souls clashing together at one particular moment.  Despite the imperfections there was so much beauty. 

I did,however, have some foresight thinking that we might just be friends before nightfall.  I was right.

I found this cuddly blue dog that sounds like a music box when you pull his tail.  She watched blue dog very intensly.  I must have pulled the tail a thousand times because it soothed her.  She started calming down.  My face was starting to become one with Blue Dog as I peered over the crib.  Finally I was able to hold her without fear.  Come on I was in because Blue Dog was part of my posse.  He really smoothed things over.  Thanks Blue Dog!

David finally arrived back with some fabulous food....my little eater with uber low cholestrol.  We had tortilla omelette with queso blanco, vegetarian tortas, salad, and yummy pommes frites.   Butter  Boy even asked for extra butter on the omelette.  Dessert was divine chocolate cake and something my pal Sherry calls Air fat.  Pastry flaky layers with a layer of puffy white cream in the middle.  Yum.

Miss Alejandra would not allow me to put her down by this time.  I was in constant rocking and jiggling with pats on the back mode.  David fed me bites.  He had to do it on the opposite side of where Al could not see him or she would start crying again, poor dear. 

Then David got smart.  He hooked up with Blue Dog.  Blue Dog apparently let him in the gang because he started dancing and rocking with Blue Dog.  She started watching him without crying.  Progress. 

Time for another feeding.  We ran the water until it got hot for the bottle.  While the water was running we realized Miss A completely relaxed to the sound of running water.  I think we were on to something.  David even got to hold her at this point.  So we let the water run for about a half hour.  I know, I know the wasting of the water but for gosh sakes screaming baby people. I would have cut of my right arm to get her to stop. 

That feeding went well and we got her to laugh and smile.  Oh what bliss.  Pure and utter amazement.  It almost made me cry but it was making me giggle too much.  She has a fetish for having her hands nibbled by the yours truly accompanied with a dang dang dang and a rawwwrrrrrrr sound.    We won her over.  My heart is full. 

David cried no less than three times over her.  Butter boy is the smiling Daddy now.  A family where there once was none.....

Mr D did something so sweet.  Well actually he does alot of things sweet but I would love to note this.  Last night as we were packing he proudly held up a bottle of Dr. Bronners baby soap.  Here is this man who knows very little about babies and he thinks of soap.  That just melted me. 

Since the water thing was going so well I decided to take a bath with her.  It was very soothing and she started getting sleepy.  So out of the bath her Daddy took her, wrapped her in a baby towel, and held her while I finished showering.  She stared at him contently.   

Many years ago on the infertility journey I bought a sweet little onesie that is kind of like a dress with a little moon and stars to remind me to dream and hope that one day my little girl would where it.  Asleep next to her Daddy she is wearing that PJ. A warm little body fills that dream now......

Our cups just runneth over.........

Yo es aqui! Is that right spanish speakers?

So we have arrived!  Can you believe we have wireless internet in our room.  I feel like I am home in Mexico.  The minute I got off the plane the familiar faces, sounds, smells, and images struck me and reminded me so much of Mexico.  I lived there for a year to bring one up to speed.....if you did not know.  Ok so it is not Mexico but sure feels similar.  I even smelled the infamous laundry smell.  If one has spent anytime in Mexico you get to know a particular laundry smell.  I love it!

The drive through the mountains look so much like Zihuatanejo just without the heat and the sweat.  Green, green green.  Beautiful plants and we have a view of the volcano from our hotel.

Holy shit they are here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I did not know they were bringing the baby.................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meeting the kidlet! Guatemala here I come!

Alright kids, behave while I am gone.  No fighting, gossiping, and keep the celebritys from giving birth...ok? I do not want to come back to big news like Angelina Jolie pregnant with twins or Paris Hilton knocked up.  Are we clear?

So if you have been following along then you know that I am off to see the girly!  If everything goes well and the Gourmets make all flights on time then tomorrow evening (Thursday) I will hold my child...............my child................my child.....holy shit.

I have spent the week shopping and finishing off projects.  My pal at Labor Negotiations, Lynette, went with me one day and bought a ton of things for Alejandra.  How sweet is that?  She went nuts!  I could not stop her.  Hint:  If you need to score good stuff for your up and coming baby take along a pregnant woman because their hormones make them able to whip out credit cards faster than an RE handles our checks.  They (the pregnant shopper) will ooh and aahhhhh in the appropriate places and make you feel all warm inside.  However there is one draw back to toting along the pregnant shopper...if you modestly see an outfit and decide to be practical and not get it she will look at you in horror as if you just hoisted your baby up by her pink chin straps or adorable baby hair clips.  All joking aside, thank you my friend for helping me prepare for my child  :) 

While we are on the warm and mushies my friend Lisa and Mykala threw me a trendy little baby shower with just the two of them at a fun restaurant over drinks and dinner!  They soooooo surprised me.  David and I felt so blessed that they too are helping us prepare for the baby and welcome her.  They are both cancers and so is my husband.  When ever the three of them get together they all chide in unison with their fists raised "Cancer Power".  So it was fitting that one of the gifts was a little crab that is used in the bathtub and makes sounds!  Too cute. 

Shall I continue with how everyone is helping?  My friend Denise the matriarch of our clan wanted to go shopping with me last Saturday to get things.  I was touched she wanted to go.  It was a lovely day.  Her nine year old son, my husband, and her husband all stayed at home while the girls shopped making a tree house.  I cannot wait to bring Alejandra home to the beautiful people in our life. 

I feel so blessed..so incredibly blessed. 

Then David's mom who has always bought David clothes told me that she shopped like a crazy woman for baby clothes.  I had no idea they made baby Dior and other name brands!  How silly and cute is that! I told David his days of Mommy buying his clothes are over...she is onto new horizons. 

So now off to pack all these clothes, diapers, bottles, and my assortment of hippy dippy herbs, homeopathics, etc.  God only knows what kind of baby she is or what her issues are.  I am a one woman traveling apothecary! 

Will update hopefully with pictures soon.  Very soon.......

AHHHHH QUICK!

Someone tell me where to stay in Guatemala.....Antiqua specifically.  I am sorry I have not been here but we had a small hurricane in the Midwest.....no power for days....crazy freak event.  Will explain later.  But first, where should I stay? Leaving in two days..........

Cilantro Lime Dressing

So the Gourmet side of me has been in hibernation.  The foodie in me has rarely come out to play.  Between getting used to take-out in South Africa and then showing the house I have done little cooking.  So here is a little recipe I came up with last night.

Cilantro Lime Dressing

One bunch of cilantro

handful of fresh oregano

Juice of two limes

Two cloves of garlic

Tablespoonish of salt (I never measure)

freshly ground black pepper

1/2 ish cup of parmigianno reggianno or other good parmesan

Blend all of these ingredients in food processor or blender until smooth

Add 1/2 cup oil and blend a little more. 

Serve over lettuce with some pine nuts.

This came out really well and tangy...oh god I could have licked the bowl!  Ok well I did....and the spatula.....and the blades.....fingers....and my bowl afterward.  Yes, my dear favorite etiquettish lady Emily Post would be appalled.  She does say that a very important part of etiquette is if someone else does something that is improper then with grace you never let them know that their behavior was a faux pas and carry on never making light of the blunder.  So, my dear internet friends, please follow Emily's advice and do not make fun of your misbehaving Gourmet as you picture me licking my chops and plates in a doggy dinner time manner. 

Shabbaty Shitty Absence

Tonight is the Sabbath..right?  Right.  So we did our usual thing over at the pregnant neighbor turned mommy house.  The typical evening consists of several Baruch Ata Adonais for  prayer over the candles, wine, wifes, and then we break some bread and EAT.  But now, NOW, since they have the baby they added a prayer for the baby.  Sweet right?  Yes of course but they handed us the prayer book so we could say it too.

Which is really lovely and acknowledgy and all but I had no baby to say that prayer over.  So instead of kissing my dear I cried into my lap.  I finally recovered after the wine blessing (a few sips later ;) and dried my so familiar tears.  This sucks.

But my dear supporting friends.....I will meet her on two Shabbats from now.  In two weeks I will say the blessing over my sweet and precious child....my child....my      :)

The 27th I am leaving for Guatemala!  Antiqua here I come......

Where shall I start?

Hmmmmm?  Last week started out crazy.  My dog, the fabulous Miss Tikka, booked herself for a spaying apointment.  Routine, right?  Well the Gourmets have a considerable amount of luck when it comes to our reproductive organs and apparently that luck has descended upon the canine inhabitants as well.  Routine it was not.

She sluggishly came out of the anaesthetic by the next morning.  I was hyper-vigilant all day on Monday because Ridgebacks are notoriously sensitive to anaesthesia so I was worried.  Little did I know that was only half of it.  The next morning she was so sluggish I was getting worried and neurotically kept calling the vet. 

Something did not feel right.  She kept looking at me I swear to tell me she was going down hill.  Her tongue started hanging out.  Then I checked her gums.....white.  White is what you want on your wedding day but I assure you it is not a good color for doggy gums.  I picked my 80 pound dog up and ran for the car.  She was going limp.  I heard her gasping for air behind me and all the memories of Curry came back...because she died of shock and internal bleeding. 

We did get to the hospital in time.  After a few transfusions she was coming back around.....much to my ever-lasting relief.  She came home two days later and I sat with her for several days on end barely sleeping and hoping she was not hemorhagging again. 

My husband went to New York to visit the parents and I stayed home with the Tikk....at least it got me out of an in-law trip :)  Good times.

Tikky Freaky has returned to her normal freaky self.  Stitches come out tomorrow  :)

So like if that was not enough....I got my approval from INS!  I can go and meet the kidlet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Ok just a few more exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometime at the end of July I will be on my way for semi-motherhood.

Then as if that were not enough......I went and looked at a home casually...or so I thought.  Nope.  It was our dream home!  Soooooooo of course Alex takes on more stress and goes for it despite the fact that my house or my rental property has not sold... Ohhhh it is sooooo fabulous!  It was built in 1867.  White stucco.  Blue shutters.  Circle drive.  On an freaking acre....in the middle of the city!  Heart stopped.  Must buy.  Which kidney do they want kind of house.  Oh, right arm too?  Ok sure.  Am I crazy?  It will double our payment....ouch.  Scared.  Nervous.

Butttttt my house is on the market  :)  Do you want to see pics?  Anyone want to buy it?  PLEASE.  Pretty Please?

So now do you understand why I have not blogged.  Not to mention the typical work stuff that I do all of the time.  I am tired!