Number 7. Right? That is what you wanted next…OK……
So David’s brother is getting married the fifteenth of October and of course I am expected to be present for white dresses and cake thieving (David the most honest man in the world plots how to steal extra pieces at every wedding). Now, we expected Alejandra home by now. But some asshat is sitting on my dossier at the American Embassy and I am beginning to think it got caught in a vat of molasses thus illustrates the absence of my first-born. I am sure she will be eighteen and not able to be legally adopted by the time someone says she can come home, right?
Right. So that leads me to my original plan of fostering her myself and living in Guat. until she is granted permission to tread on the delicate soil of the US. You know she could be a terrorist. That rattle….um yeah right inside is tear gas and do not even get me started about what she could do on the plane with that kickin formula of hers. There is some speculation that Alejandra was involved in the TERROR PLOT 2006. So this is probably why the American Embassy must take time to process her file.
I bitterly digress….
My dilemma came in when I had to choose between my brother-in-laws wedding and my daughter. Cause’ once I got down there I was not willing to pass her back and forth between Guatamama and me. Too much confusion for my girl. So I even thought about having my mother come down and watch her as a babysitter for two days but my mother is in Mexico and not able to go. Besides I was not totally comfortable passing her off.
Ultimately I know my daughter comes first. End of story. However, his wedding only happens once. But, Alejandra is only small once. Also I have to live with Davido’s family for the rest of my life and I surely did not want to drive any wedges between anyone unless it was a wedge of Parmigiana Reggiano…..sorry I digress again. Trying to be funny when you are depressed comes out sounding lame like the jokes that old men tell over and over. It was not even funny the first time so why keep trying?
I thought and fretted a long, long time. We decided that I would go to Alejandra. Told the brother and quite frankly shit hit the unbalanced fan. I know he was disappointed and I felt terrible. I called him myself and tried explaining how difficult of a choice this was and how sorry I was. But I had to make the right choice…and that was for Al.
But then life kept happening. My ticker at the top of the blog for when I returned to Guatemala ran out. I did not refresh it because I felt like I could not make the move just yet. One thing after another happened. More vacancies came up, money got tighter, more issues with our buildings came up, a furnace went out, a tenant moved out and another one gave notice, money dwindled out of our account faster than I can say IVF bill, and I could not peacefully go without having my ducks in a row.
Oh God how I fretted about not being there. I talked to a few people whom I respect what they thought about my not going. It was a unanimous wait and go once things are in order. They said I was preparing for her and that was important (preparing for the nut house is a far better explanation). Besides she was being cared for and was ok. But my heart ached knowing I was missing more and more. I had a terrible case of the mommy guilties combined with the mommy jealousies of all normal people with normal families raising their children. My daughter is with a stranger…it sucks….so very, very much. More than I can describe. I prickle at the thought of not being there.
On top of all of this I thought I would be in PGN by now but in fear of sounding redundant I will bitch again….I am still not in PGN. Dammit. Damn Damn Damn.
As of today I do not have tickets to go back. I do have tickets to the brothers wedding in L.A. though. So he lucked out and family crisis diverted.
The price of this is that my heart grows heavier, my reactions more prickly and crabby, my eyes more moist, and my soul is depressed.
And my building has not sold which means more money out and less to live off of once there.
But, this is the plan and I dare speak it out loud for fear of one more thing happening that we need to deal. I am going to leave from L.A. directly to Guatemala.
Come hell or high water I will see my girl or I will probably sponaneously com-bust if someone tries stopping me.