There Is No Place Like Home

....unless you are in Antigua.  So, you all want to know when I am coming home, right?  Especially Nate who is expecting his new girlfriend to come home.  I have bad news, Nate.  She is already engaged to Joshua.  It may not work out though....you know the long distance kind of thing so you may be able to wooo the darling Scarlett. :)

I do not know when we are coming home.  The steps that are to follow are these: 

1. The birthmother has to sign off one more time and then she will be mine :) 

2. The birth certificate has to be ordered with our names on it.  This could take a week or more and if we are lucky my facilitator already has it and they have not told me yet. Preferrable.  I hope they have it. 

3. Passport pics taken and of course Scarlett will be primped and in her best to drool clothes. 

4. Submitted to the embassy

5. Embassy appointment/Pink Slip

6. Home

This could all take a month or two weeks.  I just do not know.  It is like fertility.  I am out of PGN or officially got two lines.  When the child is born or if she will make is another story.  Even telling friends down here that I am "out" is like telling your infertile friends that you are indeed pregnant.  They are happy for you but bitter for themselves.  It is so like infertility.

I am happy to be going home for sure but,...... is there not always a but....I am going to miss being here.  I have made a life here.  Now that I am out I have lost the trapped feeling of not being able to leave.  Because I almost can leave.  This is like ultrasounds after a pregnancy occurs.  I am seeing the end of this but holding my breath just a bit.  I have made friends here.  Very good friends.  I have spent more time with these friends then any friends at home except for Lynette of course.  So with all this time comes intensity. 

But the crux is that I have two lives I want to lead.  The Antigua life and the  home life.  I miss my husband and dogs terribly but I try not to think of them while I was here because it was too hard to do so.  So now I have to switch gears and my loved ones at home will get to know my daughter which is amazing to think about.  This is such a weird situation. 

I look at my apartment which feels like home.  My mom left this morning.  Now it feels empty like after guests leave and my life will get back to normal but, again the but, ny life is not normal here in Antigua.  Sure I change the unruly diaper and smooshy kiss my darling of a daughter but here my family is not.  So it is with a solemn heart I will leave here knowing this was the cradle for the beginings of my love for my daughter and  life only we shared together.  Like she was in my womb and I had her all to myself.

Comments

[Bunny]

What a beautiful sentiment. And such a special time that you were able to spend with her, just the two of you. Your relationship will be stronger for that.

[Accidental Poett]

oh Alex. That last line made me cry. When I adopted my children, I didn't let anyone else bottle feed them until they were several months old. I told people "If I was breastfeeding, you wouldn't even ask."

[Menita]

Your daughter is so beautiful, Alex. I have goosebumps of happiness for you.

[OvaGirl]

you are amazing and you have documented an amazing journey for you and your daughter to look back on. A very special time indeed.

[Donnie]

This is so exciting, Alex. Hope you and Scarlett are home very soon. :) -D.

[Mae Midwest]

I'm sure you already heard the news about our mutual friend and the girls. Did you hear that our babies are hanging out together in the same NICU? We're NICU neighbors. Small world. Oh the stories we can all share when you get home. Hang in there. See you sometime in Feb!

[Larisa]

I am so thrilled for you and Scarlett. I hope the rest goes by quickly and you get home soon - and everyone gets to meet your little girl.