Ok well fine private journaling is always fine by me. It has been so long. I have lost touch with so many in my life and in my bloglife. In some ways I am trying to shake the old and in other ways trying to re-invent. And no, that does not mean you or you that I am trying to shake :) Not people. Just my stuff. Ahhh the vagueness. Let see if I can get real.
Much has happened the last half year.
We were getting our shit in order. Mostly financially. I opened my own brokerage house as a real estate broker! Yay! Finally off on my own. Have my first agent working for me. Double Yay! David, my favorite engineer, got laid off in October. Drats! Typical for his line of work but damn come on! We were just paying off all the old debt from my bad ovaries and my adoption. Blech. Now, well, we are right back where we were...ok ok ok maybe not entirely but if something does not happen soon well....
Ahh life. What is one to do? Just go with it. I guess.
So as with any layoff of the main breadwinner one sets out to possibly re-invent the wheel. What new possibilities can we see for ourselves? What is it that we want to change? We have a few things up our sleeve. But, I think we need to let the chips fall first before we act on these ideas.
Scarlett...ahhh my little Scarlett the cowboy! No, not cowgirl....cowboy as I have heard her correct at least thirty people. This kid is obsessed with horses. Absolutely, totally, obsessed to her core. I swear I did not do it to her. No, really, I did not. I promise! Yes, I know I love horses and have all my life, but this was totally on her own. She loves to watch Saddle club and in our post layoff depressed state TV happens now...way more than I will admit on here (shhhhhh like almost everyday she watches a few saddle clubs and a barefoot contessa with me) Shame. :) Ahhhh but this too will change when the chips fall.
I should post more about Scarlett....no I will post an all about Scarlett post. She deserves that at least.
It is like everything that is familiar and easy is changing on me. I am trying to ride the wave of possibilities but even my old familiar black stretch pants I have worn over six years are literally coming apart at the seams. Now, how is that for a metaphor? I should bury and say some prayers over these pants. After all they saw me through some of my infertility years, IVFs, the Ben and Jerry years, expansions, Guatemalan laundering services, and first time momma couture. Maybe I could bury them next to our kitty we put to sleep last week. Ratkitty was black too. They would match. My little favorite gremlin Ratkitty was a super pal and was with me since I was 19. First cat my husband ever fell in love with and the most easy going little guy. We cried for days. So another grave, another day, and life goes on with one more bittersweet memory of someone loved.
I would like to be optimistic which is my usual character but 2009 sucked. Just plain sucked. I am still the uber-infertile. Adoption did not activate the freebie child knock up so often carrotly dangled in front of us infertile adopters eyes. Sure we scoff at the possibility openly but secretly wish that we too will beceom urban legend. Oh well. If all goes well, I am kind of planning a little trip to South Africa. I recruited a somewhat new but seasoned infertile to make the egg donor track and start their family. And maybe I will just make a go at it again for old times sake. Ohhh how I have missed my inf meds. So come on everybody I am rolling the dice for David to land sweet job and pay for his honey to go to the land of baby. All joking aside could you say a little prayer, meditation, wish, crossed fingers, or stand on your head .....or whatever you do to converse with a higher power that David gets a sweet sweet sweet like honey sweet job? Pretty please? I will return the favor if you like :)
In a holding pattern here...just trying to wait what ever is happening out.
Did I mention that I have ants all over my house in the middle of winter? Must go look up the symbol of that... google....oh gooooogllleeeeeeee please find ant totems for me. Thanks.