About Me

An uber-infertile, suburbanite wannabe farmer but clinging to city roots mother of an adopted Guatemalan daughter and overseer of a menagerie of pets, husband, and hopeful owner of an organic Bed and Breakfast!

When I started trying to get pregnant I knew it would be rather difficult. But that was when I still had hope and now I am just left standing in the middle of the sea of the pregnant bellies... a sea of treacherous baby showers, accidental knock-ups, and shifting tides of advice from everyone on how to get pregnant. Most days I feel as if I am just clinging desperatly to a life raft....you know like the one in Castaway....only this time instead of it starring the handsome Tom Hanks its starring a tear-streaked infertile (ryhmes with mercantile). A heroine of great proportion (ok ok ok a little bit of a womanly size) she is who will ride the waves until she catches a good one...the wave with the nine month ride.....

Are you wondering why I am an infertile gourmet? Well, several reasons.... First I am a connoiseur of the woes of infertility. Second I cook so many meals for friends pretending they are all my kids. In a way they are my flock and I am momma bird.....it feels good that my door is always open to them....Third I (ok request for bragging permission) I have had more than one person nag me to open my own restaurant ....vegetarian of course because of my tasty food. And do not think for one moment my food is anything less than decadent, sinful, fattening, and plentiful. Ohhh how I will love cooking for my family.........one day

Now do not get me wrong I do have my hopeful days, and days where I hear the sweet whisper of my future children in my ear, and days where I feel broken, and days that I dare to dream, and days where I just want to hide. I am a bit bitter. I am a bit hopeful that one of these days all of what I am doing will result in that big fat positive.

I lead a fairly healthy lifestyle....vegetarianism, rolfing, meditating, yogaing (note to readers ...I do reserve the right of a poet to make up my own words and spell things to suit my desires), organic foods, acupuncture, and good friends.

Ok so here is the scoop on my life. I have the best husband in the whole world who has list after list in his palm pilot reminding himself how to be a good husband. I have four fabulous spoiled kitties and one rhodesian ridegeback who keeps her lion hunting skills up to date with the "house lions". We have been tryng to get knocked-up for three years....and yes lately I am a potty mouth.....like a sailor...hehehe We are landlords to quite a few tenants (who sometimes act like my children), I have my real estate license, and ironically I am an apprenticing homebirth midwife. Buildings and babies are my passions.

My whole life I have had irregular periods that have absolutley no ryhme or reason....two years ago I bled for a year and a half straight....yes it never stopped. I have had many tests....nothing is wrong with me as the "medical profession" says....no fibroids, cysts, or infections.....yeah! ok so why are things so crazy. One Dr. says PCOS and the next says no you do not have PCOS.

I have tried herbs, colon cleansing, charting, homeopathics, praying, clomid (so against my usual affairs but ladies I totally understand the desperation that will drive us to all corners of the universe to eat snake oil and lick holy places for the chance at that sticky embryo), etc.....Thousands of dollars later spent on acupuncture and the like I am still childless. My next route is to take a look at IVF. If I have to pee while doing a headstand I will ....as god as my witness I shall never be childless again!!!!!!

UPDATE January 15th, 05': Move a year or more ahead. Lost that dog named Curry and acquired two more. Failed first IVF cycle. Became more bitter. Currently waiting for the moon to shine so I can travel to South Africa for more IVF treatment.

Update July 31st, 2006:Travelled to South Africa got to meet Millie at Out Damned Egg and Tertia from So Close...who says Infertility sucks completely :) Failed said IVF cycle in SA but still brought along a spiritual awakening after visiting. The cycle was the marathon stimming race of 21 days and failed. Surprise surprise.

Presently I am in Guatemala adopting my 3 month old daughter who is at my side sleeping. In three days I will have to leave her smiling face and go home and wait for government paperwork because that is what stands in the way of our family.

Update: Moved to Guatemala for four months while waiting for Scarlett to come home. Finally, Feb 2007 we came home! The past year we have been struggling to make ends meet, get past the debt caused by my bad ovaries and wonderful adoption, working too much but thank god I get to be home and working! Planning on opening a Bed and Breakfast in our home but first must renovate the house, farm our chickens, goats, and keep the garden going!