Parents!

So there I am blogging yappily away while I was waiting for the facilitator to pick us up to take us to the foster mother's house.  She was late so I was hanging out with typepad.  We were starving so David started heading out to get something to eat.  He did not get far when in comes three people one which was the baby!

In the echoey hallway I heard David say Alex the baby is here :)  So I was shocked beyond belief and was not prepared because oh my God there is my child hiding behind enough blankets to keep her warm at the North Pole.  My eyes must have been huge.  I looked to the facilitator to David to the foster mother and stood there befuddled.  So Guatamama unwraps the layers of the  baby burrito and Voila there was my daughter..............

She looked right at me in interest and she was passed to me.  We stared at one another for a minute and I started talking.  I got a smile and a half giggle out of her and then she started bawling.  Cry,cry, and cry some more baby......

Angry screams.  Upset screams.  Guatamama took her back and tried shooshing her but everytime she saw my face she cried and cried.  She knew that my face was what was in between what she has ever known.  Can you blame the girly?  I cannot. 

She cried on and on.  I asked the facilitator if it would be best if she went back home with Guatamama but she must have thought that I did not want to keep her for the evening.  I just wanted to do what was best for my girl.  Slow association with new people seemed like it would be best.  But this world is tough and that was not what was intended for Alejandra.  What made it worse was that Guatamama was saying that she had never seen her cry like that.  It was unusual. 

Between all the crying I was supposed to ask questions on feeding, sleeping etc but my brain would not work.  David started taking notes.  Talk about a mind blower!

Then off they went leaving me with her in the crib half sleeping and half crying.  I knew we would get through it. 

Our babelinni cried and cried.  I sent David out to get us food which seemed the best because introducing one person at a time was best.  I think David did not mind :)  While he was gone I tried different toys, positions, and sounds to calm her.  Nothing seemed to work.  I shut the windows in fear of bothering others around me

I cried over her in her crib out of joy, amazement, and sadness that the world is not perfect for her or I.  Here she is with a birthmother that chose to give her a different life, a foster mom who was leaving, and a strange foreign lady staring down at her and weeping.  And here I am infertile for five years waiting for this moment and wanting my child to love me to death instantaneously but of course I knew that was unlikely but still hard to be somewhat rejected.  I expected it to be tough and mentally walked myself through it before hand.  I talked to her and told we would make it together her and I.  The world may not be perfect but we would heal and make something beautiful out of our losses.  Life is never filled with perfection and blissful moments.  We humans are emotional creatures that come with baggage...everyone of us.  I think it is most important to recognize the imperfection of our souls and to love one another anyhow. This was a real moment between several souls clashing together at one particular moment.  Despite the imperfections there was so much beauty. 

I did,however, have some foresight thinking that we might just be friends before nightfall.  I was right.

I found this cuddly blue dog that sounds like a music box when you pull his tail.  She watched blue dog very intensly.  I must have pulled the tail a thousand times because it soothed her.  She started calming down.  My face was starting to become one with Blue Dog as I peered over the crib.  Finally I was able to hold her without fear.  Come on I was in because Blue Dog was part of my posse.  He really smoothed things over.  Thanks Blue Dog!

David finally arrived back with some fabulous food....my little eater with uber low cholestrol.  We had tortilla omelette with queso blanco, vegetarian tortas, salad, and yummy pommes frites.   Butter  Boy even asked for extra butter on the omelette.  Dessert was divine chocolate cake and something my pal Sherry calls Air fat.  Pastry flaky layers with a layer of puffy white cream in the middle.  Yum.

Miss Alejandra would not allow me to put her down by this time.  I was in constant rocking and jiggling with pats on the back mode.  David fed me bites.  He had to do it on the opposite side of where Al could not see him or she would start crying again, poor dear. 

Then David got smart.  He hooked up with Blue Dog.  Blue Dog apparently let him in the gang because he started dancing and rocking with Blue Dog.  She started watching him without crying.  Progress. 

Time for another feeding.  We ran the water until it got hot for the bottle.  While the water was running we realized Miss A completely relaxed to the sound of running water.  I think we were on to something.  David even got to hold her at this point.  So we let the water run for about a half hour.  I know, I know the wasting of the water but for gosh sakes screaming baby people. I would have cut of my right arm to get her to stop. 

That feeding went well and we got her to laugh and smile.  Oh what bliss.  Pure and utter amazement.  It almost made me cry but it was making me giggle too much.  She has a fetish for having her hands nibbled by the yours truly accompanied with a dang dang dang and a rawwwrrrrrrr sound.    We won her over.  My heart is full. 

David cried no less than three times over her.  Butter boy is the smiling Daddy now.  A family where there once was none.....

Mr D did something so sweet.  Well actually he does alot of things sweet but I would love to note this.  Last night as we were packing he proudly held up a bottle of Dr. Bronners baby soap.  Here is this man who knows very little about babies and he thinks of soap.  That just melted me. 

Since the water thing was going so well I decided to take a bath with her.  It was very soothing and she started getting sleepy.  So out of the bath her Daddy took her, wrapped her in a baby towel, and held her while I finished showering.  She stared at him contently.   

Many years ago on the infertility journey I bought a sweet little onesie that is kind of like a dress with a little moon and stars to remind me to dream and hope that one day my little girl would where it.  Asleep next to her Daddy she is wearing that PJ. A warm little body fills that dream now......

Our cups just runneth over.........

Comments

[tertia]

sobbing here!!!! absolutely sobbing so so so happy for you. i can't even begin to tell you how much damn you for making me cry at work! love you T

[Zeeks]

Wow. How moving. You deserve every ounce of happiness that your daughter brings you. I love the happy looks on the new parents' faces. It is wonderful that you can finally experience such happiness.

[Pamplemousse]

Joining T in the sobbing too. I am so ecstatic for you and David and your beautiful new family finally together. Savour every precious second, sweetie.

[MsPrufrock]

What a lovely and heartwarming post. I am so pleased that you have what you have waited so long for. She is beautiful, and would you look at that luscious head of jet black hair! Congratulations Mom and Dad.

[Lynnette]

Adorable! Look at her little rosebud mouth! I could just kiss it! And she's big! Does anything fit? Glad you have the brush and comb, too...was Guatamama nice, how did that go, exactly? More details...more pictures...I can't get enough! Congratulations!

[Cat, Galloping]

It's a beautiful little girl and a beautiful story! Congratulations!

[Jaine]

Mazel Tov! I pray that you will continue to be filled with hope. Beautiful FAMILY.

[Sami]

Alex and David - Congratulations on your beautiful little girl. I am so very thrilled for you and glad that things are getting smoother. She's just beautiful. Now go take more pictures. Seriously... we need more pictures.

[Krista]

Delurking to say that I am so very happy for you. It is impossible to read this post and not cry because the journey has been long and very arduous but good god look at the end result!

[baggage]

awww...she is beautiful! And so is this post. I am very happy for you!

[Erin]

Alex, your post made my eyes tear up with happiness and joy for you. You and David have such a beautiful daughter. Mazel tov!

[DD]

She is ab-so-lutely beautiful! I cannot tell you how happy I am for all three of you to have found each other. My heartfelt Congrats!

[Heather]

She's so precious. What a happy family! Congratulations!

[Jennifer]

Alex, I am so happy for you and your family. Congratulations!

[Lisa]

The story is heart-warming, the photos precious. Enjoy this new journey.

[Jenna]

This is so amazing. Thanks for sharing the details and the photos, it is just incredible. I was scared we weren't going to get an update until you got back. Your daughter is so beautiful and all of you look so happy and complete together.

[~zandra~]

Congratulations to you and David! Your daughter is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your special moments.

[Jenny]

I just popped over from blogher. What a beautiful story of your first day with your daughter. My heart is full just thinking of the joy you must be feeling right now. Congradulations on the arrival of your baby girl!

[Bunny]

What a beautiful beginning to your life as a family. I cannot imagine all that you have been through to get to this point. God bless you and that precious little girl. Enjoy every minute of her!

[millie]

Another crying working woman here. Tears of joy streaming down my face for you guys. Congrats to all of you!! So freakin' excited for all of you.

[Louise]

So happy for you! What a beautiful baby, and happy mama and daddy.

[Karen]

Oh hurrah!!! My five year IF partner is a MAMA!!! Congrats, sweetie. The three of you look so amazing and blissful. I'm so, so happy for you!

[ninaB]

oh wow! congratulations Alexa. She is beeeauutiful.

[knit_tgz (Tania)]

Congratulations! :)

[Dee]

She is absolutely stunning and the three of you make a beautiful family. I started crying at the first picture and didn't stop through the rest of your post. How you've waited for this day...may it be the first of a lifetime of incredible memories and experiences. Congratulations :-)