The Infertile Gourmet

One

One little egg from my potential seven follicles. Devestated and so frustrated. I have not stopped crying or hoping that my one little loner would somehow rise up like the phoenix from the ashes. I have requested prayers and keep sending it love. I have to make the call in about an hour to the lab to hear if it fertilized.

Keep you posted.

Capetown Here I Am Again

Ok long time that I have shown my face around these here parts! Tumbleweeds are blowing around and I need a cleaning crew to clean the dust out!

Let me just come out and get to the point. Here in Capetown...another IVF cycle.....retrieval tomorrow. Whew! Got it out and broke the writers block.

Although this time I enlisted a fellow infertile who is my best friend. karole is doing an egg donor cycle and transferred yesterday. Two perfect blasts! I, on the other hand, am using my old 34 year old pcos'ing eggs so no hope for blasts from me. I will be happy with my three day embryos if I even get that. I have seven we follicles that are the right size...not to fat and not to thin. Many more lame follicles. Challenged little souls.

So my guess is that I might get four eggs which about half will fertilize leaving me with two. Although in every cycle of mine I have been left with three. Two perfect and one challenged embie hanging on for dear life. Will it be a repeat? I dont know but what I do know is that I did not stim for 21 days in the cycle of the marathon or as my friend V hates it when I call it this...the cycle of the fruits. I pathetically looked for prophetic signs in my fruit each morning. Truly what I remember most about the fruit metaphor was that one morning I opened a papaya which is normally brimming and spilling seeds only to find nothing. Ouch. My miss positivo side may not have emphasized that all too much.

What I can say about my state of mind is that I have mostly just been in the moment trying to stay out of the what ifs. After a bag of needles and gonal f pens, a thirty hour trip, and many ups and downs tomorrow I shall find out if the next step happens. We have had quite a few challenges that were unexpected. Nothing terrible but instead of the relaxing girls get knocked up vacation and have spa treatments instead we are a bit frazzled and just trying to do the next right thing. Oh but we did get our spa treatments :)

I shall say more tomorrow.

And God Said Let The Wee Ones Have Sugar.....

Riding carousels cannot be done  with more verve than by a three year old.  Faust park has an old restored one with a fab playground next to it, and historical buildings and barns to walk around.  So to say that my daughter who loves horses like a nerd to a hardrive was in heaven!!  Besides touring several old barns and her informing us of the usage of stalls and equipment there was something important that occurred to me.

I, the curmeudgeony-rigid-uptight-controlling-on-my-high-horse-about-sugar-eating-mother, determined that I may be a smidginy...just a bit....too concerned about sugar eating.  Let me stereotype myself here very quickly so you can get right to the point of judging me and throwing me in the corner so a few of you can determine if I fit your image for your type of mommy drive-by.  Anything I can do to make it easy for you to tear me down....anyhoo :)  I am the mostly raw-veggy-eating-ex-vegetarian-only-grassfed-meats-when-it-happens-grow-my-own-organic-vegetable-gardening-ho-wholegrain-shmollbrain-backyard-chickenor-kombucha-growing-fool-hippy-dippy-yuppy-yippie-buffalo-piss-and bark-shampoo-user-kind of momma.  Ok yes I have birkenstocks and yes I like my BMW thank you very much.  I do not pass judegement on what you are doing I swear.  If you want to birth in a hospital with IV of drugs, feed your kids artificial whoknowswhat, drive through mcdonalds more than you park in your own garage because of kids bikes, throw out every diaper that your kid's tushy saw.....fine by me!  I do not care!  I try to get through my day as a mommy and I know most of you are as well. I choose my way for me and my family and do not think that everyone should do it my way.   I am just saying that I am not judging!!  I was just stating from where I am coming.

So what was it that occurred to me?

I feel embarrassed now that I say this out loud.  I have almost never let my kid have a treat on special outings.......ouch stop throwing things at me!  I know. I am mean, mean, mean. The world is not coming to an end because she gets a little treat.

Now we do have some sugar on shabbat and occasionally during the weekend we may have something else however we avoid sugar during the week.  Not rigidly but follow that guideline. It is not that she never gets sugar it is just that I, the mommy, never treat her with a cookie at the grocery store, an ice cream after the park, or jelly beans at the movie.  She has never had ice cream from an ice cream truck. And for the love of god that is the quintessential childhood experience! In all fairness one has never come to our house because we live at the end of a private drive so we are hidden. She does not run like a bat out of hell to get to the magic bells of the truck.  She knows nought. I have been all to happy of her lack of awareness what the sound meant. Smug I know.

We left the park and I got this notion about the lack of treats out of the blue and talked about it the whole way to whole foods.  The worst harangument ensued. I yelled at me, I bitched at me, I nagged me, I counter-argued myself,  I was the devil's advocate for my argument. All this in the presence of my friend who is also the sugar nazi.  I thought surely she would take my side...which side? The side of no-sugar eating.  But no, apparently she occasionally treats her daughter.  Oh my.

The most rigid mom and dad I know are these two.  Which means that I am even more rigid about sugar than them!!!!!  DIng Ding Ding Ding!  Light bulb. 

I vowed right there that I could not and should not do that.  My child should be allowed to have a treat when there is a special day like the zoo, carousel day, or after a long hike which she so willingly troops through! 

I vow to treat my daughter with sugar.  Not fruit sugar. Not the succannat health crap but real american sugar.  The kind that required hexane to suck out the sweet molecules from the corn that turns to syrup.  Oh yeah baby my kid might even get a little hopped up on some good ol' fashioned artificial color stuff that will put hair on her chest.

Why? Because in moderation (does this sound like a corn syrup propaganda commercial yet?) it is ok. Smile. 

The reality is that my saying no all the time to some yummy looking goody has in some ways gotten to easy. A quick dismissive no which means end of story. I am so good at talking and being fair with her on so many other levels.  I am almost never dismissive. But I have been with sugar. Which should in itself be the obvious sign of imbalance.  Now this is not so much about sugar as it is an ideal that I am rigidly striving.  I am trying to teach her to be gentle with herself.  I want her to be sure of herself.  Confidence in a sea of life's turmoil.  Know how to make the right choices and arm her with the ability to do so. Gentle dialogue starts by teaching it now.  It is so hard to get caught up in hatred for one's body, or what one has, or how one behaves just short of perfect, or how one feels.  There seems to be too much harshness in our personal dialogues.  I so much want to create peace and the ability to reason reasonably. To teach her to correct herself when she heads of course and to let go and be wild at the right time.  A balanced dialogue. There is a season for everything and the wise person can discern what season it is.

So as I removed the stick out of my ass, we pulled into whole foods and promised some yummy gelato to the girls! I know that I could have taken her to dairy queen and really pushed the limit but cut me some slack I was just starting to heal the harsh dialogue  so Whole foods was the gentle medium. It felt nice to give her a treat myself.  Now I know the artificial high that the grandparents feel. Reminder to self:do not bitch about grandparents behind back about the sugar issue. stop. they enjoy giving it.stop.

Fast forward to dinner of sushi, steamed broccoli, and tempeh (yes feel free to laugh). Scarlett ratted me out to my mom and David that she got ice cream.  Eye-brows were raised.  They knew a liberation was underfoot!  My mother heartily agreed that I am too picky about sugar.  Hanging head in shame. 

Just as we were finishing up dinner we crazily heard ice cream bells and then I saw it like a shimmering grove of water trees and water in a dessert, my finger raised up triumphantly and pointed out the window for I was speechless! There coming up the back entrance was an ice cream truck! My inner three-year-old jumped up out of my chair to run for its goodness.  To run to another and better time of summer days gone by! I was running to it in honor and righteousness and just plain old yummyness. 

But, I was knocked over by the old lady (grandma) screaming ICE CREAM TRUCKKKKKKK!!!!! GO DAVID GO CATCH THEM in the voice of a shipwrecked woman on a desserted island who sees her first ship after twenty years.

David in sheer adrenalin clears over several wine crates and out the door yelling!  Chaos ensues as we realize the ice cream truck is backing up to leave the dead-end he thinks he has stumbled upon. He has never made a sale there before why now and why bother?  Whatever we did and all that we were knew we could not let him out of the street without our prize.   Grandma runs for her money and joins the pursuit with David down the street.   I am stampeding out the door when I realize that one little one has no idea what in the hell we are doing and is standing there in our fricking way!  Child move!!!!!! DONT YOU KNOW IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK? Run to the truck with intuitive instinct!

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  Blank stare.  Nothing.  I snatched up my barefooted daughter (barely spring here and chilly)  without coats and jogs to the side with the pictures of goodies.  For I alone stood before the great gods of corn syrup and colors not known to nature.  I trembled. 

The background music of chariots of fire dyed down.  All got very quiet.

Scarlett is asking what we are doing as if our heads sprouted playdo and the three of us who have turned into 7 year-olds who know the ways of the ice cream truck are trying to explain.  Those pictures are food and you can pick one. Ok food may be pushing it but it is edible and will not kill you...at least not today.

My daughter chose spongebob!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  With gumball eyes.  In disbelief that she could actually eat something so artificial and twice in the same way she looked at it as if we were trying to poison her or hide her broccoli secretively. 

As we made it back inside to eat our fresh kill we all looked at each other and smiled knowing we had all channeled that inner excitment only children can have about the ice cream truck.  Scarlett still in shock kept asking us questions like why did that truck have ice cream?  Well because it is fun to run after a truck and buy ice cream.  Why did we all yell so loudly?  Because we for the love of god  could not let him get away and  leave.  Why did that man sit in the truck with ice cream?   Because little kids like to buy ice cream when that music plays.  Why did grandma knock us over?  Because, Scarlett, when the ice cream truck is around manners are not important.  Always dancing around what I know she really wanted to ask....  Why in the hell did I get two things of sugar in one day and are you on crack mother? 

I think that by having an ice cream truck show up for the first time in all of these years hours after this discussion God was hitting his point home that yeah I am a dumbass and should take his hint and give the kid sugar!

My inner voice is cringing....spongebob!  Oy vey!

 

Hello?  Hello?  Anyone there?  No?  Anyone?

Ok well fine private journaling is always fine by me.  It has been so long.  I have lost touch with so many in my life and in my bloglife.  In some ways I am trying to shake the old and in other ways trying to re-invent.  And no, that does not mean you or you that I am trying to shake :)  Not people.  Just my stuff.  Ahhh the vagueness.  Let see if I can get real.

Much has happened the last half year. 

We were getting our shit in order.  Mostly financially.  I opened my own brokerage house as a real estate broker!  Yay!  Finally off on my own.  Have my first agent working for me.  Double Yay!  David, my favorite engineer, got laid off in October.  Drats!  Typical for his line of work but damn come on!  We were just paying off all the old debt from my bad ovaries and my adoption.  Blech.  Now, well, we are right back where we were...ok ok ok maybe not entirely but if something does not happen soon well....

Ahh life.  What is one to do?  Just go with it.  I guess.

So as with any layoff of the main breadwinner one sets out to possibly re-invent the wheel.  What new possibilities can we see for ourselves?  What is it that we want to change?  We have a few things up our sleeve.  But, I think we need to let the chips fall first before we act on these ideas.

Scarlett...ahhh my little Scarlett the cowboy!  No, not cowgirl....cowboy as I have heard her correct at least thirty people.  This kid is obsessed with horses. Absolutely, totally, obsessed to her core.  I swear I did not do it to her.  No, really, I did not. I promise!  Yes, I know I love horses and have all my life, but this was totally on her own.  She loves to watch Saddle club and in our post layoff depressed state TV happens now...way more than I will admit on here (shhhhhh like almost everyday she watches a few saddle clubs and a barefoot contessa with me) Shame.  :)  Ahhhh but this too will change when the chips fall. 

I should post more about Scarlett....no I will post an all about Scarlett post. She deserves that at least.

It is like everything that is familiar and easy is changing on me.  I am trying to ride the wave of possibilities but even my old familiar black stretch pants I have worn over six years are literally coming apart at the seams.  Now, how is that for a metaphor?  I should bury and say some prayers over these pants.  After all they saw me through some of my infertility years, IVFs, the Ben and Jerry years, expansions, Guatemalan laundering services, and first time momma couture. Maybe I could bury them next to our kitty we put to sleep last week.  Ratkitty was black too.  They would match. My little favorite  gremlin Ratkitty was a super pal and was with me since I was 19.  First cat my husband ever fell in love with and the most easy going little guy.  We cried for days. So another grave, another day, and life goes on with one more bittersweet memory of someone loved. 

I would like to be optimistic which is my usual character but 2009 sucked. Just plain sucked.  I am still the uber-infertile.  Adoption did not activate the freebie child knock up so often carrotly dangled in front of us infertile adopters eyes.  Sure we scoff at the possibility openly but secretly wish that we too will beceom urban legend.  Oh well. If all goes well, I am kind of planning a little trip to South Africa.  I recruited a somewhat new but seasoned infertile to make the egg donor track and start their family.  And maybe I will just make a go at it again for old times sake.  Ohhh how I have missed my inf meds. So come on everybody I am rolling the dice for David to land sweet job and pay for his honey to go to the land of baby.  All joking aside could you say a little prayer, meditation, wish, crossed fingers, or stand on your head .....or whatever you do to converse with a higher power that David gets a sweet sweet sweet like honey sweet job?  Pretty please?  I will return the favor if you like :)

In a holding pattern here...just trying to wait what ever is happening out. 

Did I mention that I have ants all over my house in the middle of winter?  Must go look up the symbol of that...  google....oh gooooogllleeeeeeee please find ant totems for me. Thanks.

Good Recipes and Amazing Recipes

Ice Cream.  Summer.  What more do you want.

We have been driving an hour and a half to Middlebrook MO to buy raw milk from a really rustic farm. One drives over a creek, up a huge hill, past a couple of beehives, and parks near an old dog and a pigpen.  The farmer or well family who lives on this 275 acre farm is jovial and living off the land.  The cows are wandering in their front yard.  Moo. Pigs, rabbits, chickens, cock-a-doodle-doo's, peach trees, and fresh strawberries make for the quintessential suburbanite meets country.

Raw milk is delicious!  Get this....he only charges 3 dollars a gallon.  Yes, for organic, grass-front yard fed, and raw three dollars a gallon! I cannot even buy a gallon of milk at Aldi's with extra BGH and some antiobiotic flavoring for that price! 

The first time we went I got stung by a bee, dropped Scarlett on the ground, and the farmer threw chewing tobbacco on my arm.  Helped the sting but did not help the guilt of dropping her in surprise.  Damndest thing though.  I have five hives in my front yard and I have never been stung.  10 minutes into my coutry experience and sting!

Anyhoo back to the raw milk.  I poured of a bit of the cream into a pyrex bowl and soaked a vanilla bean pod in it all day.  Sensually scraped the seeds from inside and licked my fingers.  A bit of salt and some Mexican sugar later and I throw it in to seperate ice cream maker bowls.  In one bowl went the almond extract and the other maker got some rose water.  Simple. Raw. Yummy.  A close to perfect summer night. A good recipe.

Did I mention a few lightning bugs were caught in between batches of cream?

David stops munching on his ice cream and says "This is one of those moments".  The kind that we dreamed about for so many years before we finally had a kid.  I agree.  Summer night, homemade ice cream, and the kid of our dreams.  That makes an amazing recipe and a perfect summer night.

Mother's Day

Or shall I say Mother's Weekend?  What a lucky gal I am.  I had a brilliant idea about two months ago during an exceptionally difficult period Scarlett was having regarding whining, crying, complaining, and just being plain difficult.  The dads would take the girls camping to give us moms a break!  Oh may I pat my own back and say what a fabulous, wonderful, and even miraculous time I conjured. 

They did in fact go camping, much to the delight of the children as well.  Our good friend Gary and his daughter Leia accompanied my now behaving child ,who is back to herself, (Praise).  The went to Pierre Marquette and had a great time!  Of course they took turns squabbling like sisters and prompty flipped to getting along well.  But, did I care?  No!  Because I did not have to break up or mitigate one single fight.  Why, because I was at home luxuriating in my Mother's day dream!

Look! See how happy she was too!  Win win for everyone!

I went out to eat and did not talk about my kid (very little at least maybe uttered one or two words)    one single iota!  Not one word!   Came home and did not miss anybody.  Nope.  Not me.  Next slept in very late (although I woke up once at the normal time to let the dogs out and then another time when I dreamed my little smiling girl was waking me up!  agghhhhh) and luxuriated  on the couch.  Did not make breakfast but ate leftovers.  Then, I worked in the yard the rest of the afternoon without interruption!  Oh joyous day! 

Sunday morning I went to our normal Sunday morning brunch at our friend's house.  The boys, the ticks,  and the girls were back from their adventure.  She ran into my arms!!!!!  Talking happily and filling me in on her weekend I realized why this weekend was so good.....because she missed me yet had a wonderful time without me. 

This makes me so happy as a mother that my daughter loves me and is happy and well rounded.  She has a father that she loves and I love.  What a nice family I have!  I loved to see them go and took a deep breath in and did a little happy jig once they finally walked out the door to go camping but my heart did the jig when they returned.   

2 Years and 9 Months

Maybe what I most want you to know is how much I like you.  Of course, I love you.  I have too!  :)  But really how much I like who you are becoming is what makes me smile so much.  Sure, there are some days where "mommy needs space" but you also tell me that you "need space" too so I guess we are even!  Considering how much time we spend together (I hate missing even a minute even though I need those minutes) we still want to be in each other's presence.

"Let's talk mommy, let's talk"  If I heard this once today I heard it one thousand times.  You make me use your Snow White doll, that your Grandma Marlyn gave you on their recent visit, to carry on a conversation. I, Daddy, or any victim that may be close by talks to you about what is happening in your life.  The good, the bad, and the ugly is discussed with full disclosure.  How adorable you are as you practice your hand movements like an Italian mafioso and say "because" too many times in one conversation. 

You are mommies little parrot. You regularly copy me including moments like when I dropped a jar out of the fridge and said a favorite word of mine....oops.  You walked around tonight saying shit, shit, shit practicing several times.  I must change my language..I must increase the good words...I must. On a good notre I see you mimicking the lovely things that I want you to do.  Like when you lovingly pat a friend's baby when he cries.  Or when you delicately stroke a kitty and whisper sweet pet nothings into their furry ears.  Hmmm I just love you so much.  Too sweet.  I also adore when you come up and pat me on the back just to make it clear you love me!  Pure sugar!

Hurricane talking comes from those lips!  Talking up a storm just does not cut it.  You love to speak fast and are just now learning to speak fast enough to do that but the last few weeks to compensate for the lack of words that you could get out fast you just mumble jumble nonsense.  LOL.  You speak quite well when you are talking normally but when fast talk happens this is not the case.  We taught you to say excuse me when you wanted to politely intterupt but I think that I may have taught you a tool of mass control.  You hold up your little dictator hand and say no no no no mommy excuse me.  Of course I will see what you want because you were being polite and the fact that certain days I think I may have met my match.  The minute you detect Daddy and I may become the Bickersons you put up that same hand and say MOMMY MOMMY mommy getting higher pitched until we are laughing and you know that you have taught us kids a lesson in how to get along.

Trampoline.  Nonstop.  Bouncing bean of a little thing.  You like it so much that Christmas night we were out jumping with you at 2 in the morning!  I met my bad mother quota for the day and you got to jump.  Two birds with one stone.

You had a blast and were a blast during our Merry Hannuka/Happy Christmas celebrations.  We somehow blended both parts of the celebration which turned out to be a mini marathon present fest for you.  Thank you dollar store for presents that thrilled a two year old. How fun it was that you grasped the concepts of what was happening.  You helped me wrap presents, bake cookies for Santa, set out carrots for the reindeers, cook latkes, spin dreidels, assemble traditional Guatemalan Christmas eve tamales, dance in merriment, and circle the many parties we went to with ease and late nights.

I hate to label you as shy but when you are with someone new or in a  new place  you tend to be reserved.  Make sure that you do not think that I believe you to be a wallflower...oh no!  Just reserved.  No amount of pushing you forward makes you budge towards being social. However, the other night I had a gentleman come to the house to purchase a chandelier I was selling.  Your friend Leia was over and you both were playing while I showed him the light.  You walked in and he said hello and I expected you to leave but no you said hi back!  Then you even introduced Leia to the man!  Shock.  "Hi, this is my friend Leia"!

Mirror, mirror, on the wall.  Who is the fairest talker of all?  You carry on conversations with the mirror.  I cannot  help but secretly watch you as you converse with yourself/mirror.  So cute. If you see me looking game over.  So I sneak looking at you.

You adore your friends.  Your best galpal is Leia. You frequently talk about her when she is not here and when you both are together it is nonstop giggling.  It warms my heart to watch you both play. I hope it is a lifelong friendship that is started this early.  I have friends that I grew up with and Leia is like your family.  We do Shabbat every Friday together, babygroup on Wednesdays, and the Perry's house on Sundays! 

I miss when you were a baby.  I love the age that you are now. I cannot wait for tomorrow.  I like all of your ages.  You are such a happy child!

New Years Hello

Got a couple of things I want to say before I launch into yearly in-law visit extravaganza.

First, I feel a bit harsh leaving Damn you, Missouri up for a long time.  I typically do not like to damn anything...sorry Missouri.   On a political note I did not mean to offend John Mccain supporters because I know he seems like a good guy.  It is just that I really, really dig Obama's chili.  I am not hatin' on Mccain.

I wanted to comment also on the historical election of Obama.  It is amazing that an African American can finally accomplish what has been reserved for the good ol' boys club for too long.  What an amazing, awe-inspiring, and deeply rewarding victory on so many levels!  I will never forget the sweet feeling  that washed over me when he won.  I finally felt like America had awoken from a bad dream into a better reality that had resided in our hearts for so long previously.  It was unseasonably warm here in St Louis on election night and I had the living french room doors open to the warm breezes.  Living in a house built one year after the civil war ended.  The wood in this house saw a different day. People living here in this very room lived slavery. I am proud to say that I have a secret passage way under my house that leads to caves that were used in the underground railroad.  The school through the field next to my house was built sometime during the 1820's. This school is actually where I casted my vote for Obama.   It was one of the  stops and these caves hid people heading to a new future.  So my land is inherently good. Somehow the ages swirled around my head intoxicating my heart.  Jubilant.  Here I was in 2008 and not only is slavery gone but a black man has the ultimate power to care for a nation that he once upon a time had no say in his own life.   Dare I say that we have evolved enough to finally allow the best guy to win despite gender or color?  Apparently we have.  Which leads to my next sentiment. 

I know Mccain supporters.  People who are close to me and whom I care about.  One of the questions asked of me several times was what has Obama done?  Are you supporting him because of color or his accomplishments?  I can sort of understand the question but on the other hand if frustrated me.  I agree that he is a young man compared to the average age of many presidents however experience with politics or age does not necesarily make a better president.  Sometimes, I think that a soul was prepared for an important job and cultivated for a position.  This is how I feel about Obama.  He is a smart man, a kind man, and is an insightful  man. 

The first time I saw Obama was when he was running for senator of Illinois.  He made me tingle and the hair stood up on end.  Before this I had learned to take care in politics, do my due diligence, and make an educated vote but never had I felt like singing to the heavens for a vote.  But he makes me feel that way.  He makes me want to be a better citizen....a flag flying citizen!

Regarding his color....that is just a bonus!  I would have voted for him whatever color he had been.  But, we got a bonus in this election.  The best candidate was an African American.  So not only did I vote for someone who inspired me on a soul level but I also got to cast my vote in history.

I am pleased to say that his actions thus far and the level of care he is taking his job is commendable.  He seems very pro-active.  It makes me smile that some of the Mccain supporters I mentioned even have had nice things to say about what he is doing.  Which proves my vote again.  He is bringing all of us together:

"It is that fundamental belief -- it is that fundamental belief -- I am my brother's keeper, I am my sisters' keeper -- that makes this country work.

 It's what allows us to pursue our individual dreams, yet still come together as a single American family: "E pluribus unum," out of many, one.

Now even as we speak, there are those who are preparing to divide us, the spin masters and negative ad peddlers who embrace the politics of anything goes.

Well, I say to them tonight, there's not a liberal America and a conservative America; there's the United States of America.

There's not a black America and white America and Latino America and Asian America; there's the United States of America.

The pundits, the pundits like to slice and dice our country into red states and blue States: red states for Republicans, blue States for Democrats. But I've got news for them, too. We worship an awesome God in the blue states, and we don't like federal agents poking around our libraries in the red states.

We coach little league in the blue states and, yes, we've got some gay friends in the red states.

There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq, and there are patriots who supported the war in Iraq.

We are one people, all of us pledging allegiance to the stars and stripes, all of us defending the United States of America.

 In the end, that's what this election is about. Do we participate in a politics of cynicism, or do we participate in a politics of hope?"

Please read the whole speech here.

Smile.

Damn You, Missouri

Much to my satisfaction Obama did win.  But that sure was not due to Missouri.  What in the hell is wrong with you people.  The city of St Louis voted 86 percent in his favor!  Yeah city folk. 

Do not get me wrong.  If you voted for Mcain for various reasons I understand and I am not mad about that so much :)  Just a little :)  I am not blantantly democratic just very pro-Obama. 

What I am super ticked off about is that Missourians did not vote to give Metro more money and to help them expand and to stay open past 8.  How in the hell can we continue to grow as a real city if we do not keep up with expansion of public transportation.  Better for environment and for money reasons.  Geesh.

Second.  Ummm California?  Hello?  What the hell is wrong with you people voting against Gay marriage!!!  I could spit it makes me so angry.  They are families built on love trying to live normal lives and be able to take care of one another in sickness and health.  Damn you for being so closed minded.  If you disagree with it do not marry someone of the same sex.  How does a govenerment union of two people discourage your own sanctified religous ceremony?  Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Two step forward and one step back.....Breathe Alex Breathe

Yes we did

Yesterday was terrible.  Tomorrow, though, I have hope.  I look forward to tomorrow.

Scarlett said it well with her clever names.  When she is really fond of someone she ads moo-ah to the end of one's name.  Mommy-moo-ah  Daddy-moo-ah  Grandma-moo-ah  She has only said this to five or so people.

Tonight after the cheering died down.  She looked at me and said....Obama-moo-ah.

Yes, love, mommy agrees....Obama-moo-ah

Tomorrow.  Smile.